Mental Illness Through God’s Eyes

My childhood growing up was chaotic to say the least.The sexual abuse from my older brother started as far back as i can remember. however, i’m unsure when the abuse first began.my dad has told me stories of how i was in kindergarten and the teachers were really concerned that there was sexual abuse going on and so my parents kept moving me from school to school in the early part of my life until about the seventh grade when i pretty much remained in the same school district.when i was younger in the early parts of elementary school i remember having visual hallucinations and one in particular i remember is this man that would suddenly appear in back of me out of thin air. as soon as he appeared it was if i could feel his presence and so i would slowly turn around and ask “who are you?” his reply was always the same he would say “I’m the man standing there.”then i would have these rather odd thoughts. For example, i was at a restaurant with my brothers and his friends and there was this dried up black stuff on the table and everyone was like “eww what is that?” and i said “oh its him” and i was referring to one of my brother’s friends.i knew that what i was thinking didn’t make sense yet i could not get myself to believe that it was not true.the older i get the less problems i have with mental illness but i still have problems with distorted thinking and bizarre behavior and occasionally i have auditory hallucinations.sometimes i wonder how much of my mental illness is due to my chaotic childhood and how much is genetic.since ive been saved the lord has shown me that although people are limited in their understanding of me he is always there and that he will always be there.

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